I was so unsure about wanting kids. For most of my life, I had told myself that I would never have kids. My partner felt the same way, we poured all of our love and energy into each other and our dog. All of a sudden something shifted in me. After a couple of years of deep reflection and meditation, I had a desire to have a baby. My partner was open to the idea and we decided to start our own family.
We were living in New Mexico, far away from friends and family and I found out I was pregnant. We moved back to the East Coast, got new jobs, and came back to our old apartment.
I had been open to the idea of having a home birth. Being that this isn’t the “norm” in our society, it took a lot of extra research and quieting other voices to ultimately make the final decision. Enter Hannah, the Midwife. I reached out to her after finding her business on a google search, and after our initial zoom meeting, I knew she would be the one to guide us through this journey. She would do our home visit appointments as Wren’s arrival grew closer.
I had been finishing up an Ayurvedic internship close to my due date and after I had handed everything in on that Friday, I felt an immense amount of mental relief that this wouldn’t cross over into baby. On Sunday, Hannah did some amazing body work that completely opened me up, I felt my shoulders relax, and my hip open up. I had been saying I wanted Wren to be born on 12/12, the new moon. I even wrote it down on my calendar over a month prior.
On Monday morning, I read my tarot cards and happened to pull out the moon card. That afternoon, I felt something unusual. I didn’t think much of it because of all the pregnancy discomforts. I took a bath with epsom salt which typically gave me relief but this was different. Waves continued to come for the rest of the afternoon, inconsistently but definitely present. I texted a few friends jokingly that I think I may be in labor. As the evening rolled around, I reached out to my partner that it might be time, but to make sure to pick up the dog's medication before he came home. By the time he was home, I knew I was experiencing contractions.
My contractions were not super strong but were close together. I stayed in my bed in total darkness. They would continue to stay close together and eventually become stronger and stronger for the rest of the night and into the morning (later came to realize that Wren’s hand was pushing on my right side, making the contractions time closely). At some point, we contacted Hannah and things continued to progress.
Hannah and her birth assistant, Nurse Chelsea, came over sometime in the early morning and things were really moving by then. They checked in on me but could also sense that I wanted to be alone. I hung out on the toilet for awhile and when it was time to get into the birthing pool, I felt this moment of instant relief. The heat of the water felt so soothing on my body which had been working so hard. Things started to move faster and it was time to push. Wren made his transition into the water and then into my arms, he was finally here. I faintly remember hearing “Ripple” by the Grateful Dead in the background. I resuscitated him by gently blowing into his mouth and nose, our first of many accomplishments together on the outside. Everything after that was a blur of bliss the rest of the day. All of a sudden, I was a mother.
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